Today we had Fr. Lawrence from Uganda! woah thats far.

Sermon was very meaningful... talked about doubt.

Doubt can hinder our God experience.

Doubt is not part of God. Jesus never doubted the disciples. They doubted Him.

So lets pray that God will take all doubt away from our lives.

Ok one final exam to go.

Its 40 MCQ and 5 short answers.

This is crazy, Im sick of MCQ papers! ALL of my exams had MCQ hahaha...don't know if thats a good or a bad thing.

Breakdown of exam progress so far

SW1101 - ARRGH
JS1101 - ARRGH x 2
NM2219 - HEHEHE
PH1101 - ARRGH + ... + *tearing hair from scalp*

that leaves us with nm1101...

Too tired to study now. As in, I've almost completely lost the drive, and its a good thing the terms finally coming to an end. Really really need to take a good break where my mind would stop worrying about school, about results and what ever other nonsense.

But in a sense, isnt that akin to running away from it all?

Studies really are not that important I guess...if you compare it to so many other things out there...but are they really?

I try to smile my tears away,
I try to keep my cool.
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter,
My heart just wants to bleed and stop Believing in me.

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and i crumble and I'm sinking to my knees for you
You cradle me

*Refrain
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's on a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

*Refrain

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

*Refrain

Beautiful song by Corrinne May...actually would be nice to sing in church...or would also be nice if...

haha nevermind. I should stop thinking like this.

Bah, Philo exams.....Im so gonna die for this one....hmm supposed to go out today after paper but don't know if theres anything going on now...oh well... =/

*hoping for the best*

Feeling jittery over the exams, and yet I cant bring myself to study.

grr..

things will be different next sem!

(thats what they always say haha)

Sometimes, my dad does these silly little things that hurts himself. It gets all of us annoyed that he doesnt care for himself even though we care for him.

Then he said something.

"We are the same"

And its true, to an extent, aren't we all guilty of indulging at some point or another, no matter how detrimental it might be to us?

So whats next? Do we lead by example. Its so hard to be perfect. But of course we try, and if we fall, we try harder.

Sometimes, you learn lessons from the strangest places...

MSN has been really quiet lately, I guess everyones getting into the examination swing. I miss the company at times haha...and yet Im lazy to go to school :P

Oh well, I sorta can't wait for Friday...then I would be left with one last paper... :D

I understand something...and I must write these before I lose the thoughts.

The many happenings of yesterday were something like a sort of journey. Perhaps a mild form of testing. For it was only yesterday that I felt a *little* kind of void...it was as if God was not there. Of course we all know that God is with us. But it was an overwhelming feeling of rejection yesterday.

(And I apologise to those of you who were at the receiving end of my complaints. I also apologise to my dear sister, who tried to cheer me up but failed haha...)

Firstly, my sis left me a very nice little card, thank you once again.

Next I tried to go for the 11am service and even though I was about 20 minutes early, there was NO place to park. Which was quite amazing. I was thinking to myself arrgh not again and promptly drove home.

Lunch was great and tasty.

Then I came for Mass...real early... 45min early to be precise. And lo and behold, Fr. Marsling (spelling??) was there early too! After confession he told me, "You know I think I was here early for a reason, and it was to meet you" (or something to that extent, you get the idea.)

And I thought so too...I seldom see him around so early it couldnt have been mere conincidence. And I spent some period of time in the adoration room too and I felt very very much better...I guess its time to (as cliche as it sounds) "Let go and Let God."

And so I will.

There are just some things that cant be accomplished by human strength alone. I realised that this applied to many many facets of life...I guess the hard part is remembering to leave things to God.

Also...some very interesting points brought up in the sermon too. It was about belief. Fr. was saying that many people today believe in one thing and act in another way. And he compared it to St. Thomas, who was transparent, and honest. When he did not believe, he really did not believe and when he saw, he gave one of the greatest acts of faith he said "My Lord and My God" how beautiful is that. Not only that, he also acted on his belief and went out to spread the good news.

So, I guess we must always bear in mind our beliefs and how we act, even in times of stress, in times of joy and in times of sadness.

I also want to thank those who expressed their concern in one way or another. Although it looks as if it doesnt work on me, it does haha...

I guess it would be good to conclude this with the prayer of serenity..

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Amen. :)

Here I am. Saturday morning. In front of my computer doing nothing.

Exams. Bah. I guess we all need to go through them. The SW1101 paper was killer too. Doesn't really matter. Im running out of energy. The whole semester has been super draining on me. A little too ambitious I guess.

Then again theres that whole other problem too. Its been dragging me up and down the whole semester, and its probably a bigger drain than all my school work and CCA work combined altogether.

I really hope I can resolve all of this before FOC or its gonna eat me up.


unfortunately....

The last few days have been wonderful.

Believe it or not, mugging can be fun hahaahaha really depends on the comapny (u know who you are: The only person that can make others burst out laughing by just STANDING THERE. hahaha.)

Good home made food for the last few days too...thank you to everyone!

And not to mention many many MANY out of this world encouters with strangers haha...some very amusing too...

Oh well, exams are gonna start tomorrow, I cant believe it...time really passes by faster than you can imagine...

Thanks guys for the most enjoyable reading week I've EVER had (2nd one though haha).

Happy Belated Easter everyone. Easter Sunday was pretty cool, managed to do some work and celebrate at the same time, so yup..Inside man is really cool.

Had an interesting dinner too at Cartel, managed to listen to the gripes and pains and rewards about being a teacher, cartoons and all sorts of other stuff.

Monday, 12noon PST....I won myself a Wayne Houchin signed Black Ghost card. And I think Im the only person in Singapore that got my hands on one hehehe...

Before that though, had prata again, the strawberry prata is damnnnnn sweet...anyway thanks for dinner that day guys.

And yet, despite all that.

Despite my attempts at keeping busy and study.

That same hollow feeling trails. Why?

no chance no way, I wont say it no no..

hey hey hey, first montage of our Hotcross buns antics here!

While I still have my sanity left: Thank you all for the baking session, I'll post the pics asap.

Delirum sets in as I lose my strength.

an unthinking stone

if only it was that easy

smile. festivities.

Crosses we all need to bear, shouldering, casuing us to slouch

whaton eartha m i sayin g? gr innig fr omear to ear

I hear a cello.

We bid farewell...to my zippo lighter, the lighting mechanism wont work anymore =( , and sparks are not created. So I guess I could use it for manupilation practice...well it served me well while it lasted.

Ok more photo goodness today haha...

Anyway finally got majority of the JS project out of the way...sian tomorrow I need to start mugging like mad...I just realised all my exams were much closer than I thought...

Anyway very interesting sermon today at mass...but once again it boiled down to Gods will...

anyhow, here are some of my latest pics!





Engin macs today, we ate sooooo much, looked like there was a war on the tables. Oh and Jons super butter pancakes...its as if he used pancakes to garnish his maple syrup...



Ohhh believe it or not, the pic above is actually the moon! Im serious, damn amazing right...just increase ur cams shutter speed like mad...



Yay! Kudos to Benjy for having Happiness day today! Was a real beautiful thing man, thanks alot!!



Right this is the sign outside my church..just a random photo.

Yup thats it for today I guess... I wanna take more pictures of people soon....so beware!

Insight.

Well, reflected about alot of things today. I learnt alot of things today.

Sometimes, revealations need to be thought through. When things first happen, it always hurts at first, its instinct I guess. But when you sit down, talk about it and think about it, you realise, hey its not so bad...move on with life.

Sometimes, care and concern can come when you least expect it. =)

Well, I think Im finally gonna move out of this phase. Its high time too, time to make some changes about things...thank you everyone, especially those who have supported me all the while. (you know who you are hahaha :P)

Theres no point wallowing in the dirt I guess, things won't come to you just like that, we gotta get up and move.

Here's to a happy joyous and meaning ful easter to everyone! God Bless

on the verge...

...of giving up
...of wanting to change myself
...of truth
...of disillusion
...of waking up
...of fear

I seem to be walking down the same path. Its going in loops, endless loops. I always tell myself it will be different. But reality seems to want to tell me it will be the same.

I want change.

Please dont do this again to me.

edit: I think the circle is complete. I give up.

Well, finally got down to getting my digicam this weekend, so I've decided to do a bit of photo taking and editing =P


A bit of grass found outside church...


First ever proper photo taken, just to let u guys know, both of the photos have been photoshopped =P

Hmm they look pixellated...
Yay!

My apologies to everyone yesterday for the quietness.

it floats away, drifting through the endless sea of life.

I try to swim, but Im too slow.

Perhaps I've been putting in too much effort. Maybe I need to focus back on school work.

what do you call a happy magic at the end of a story?


A friend asked me that today.


For some reason, the only thing that I could think about was...

it doesnt exist

I think I've been too pessimistic as of late.

Sometimes, giving is hard. Sometimes it gets tiring.
Sometimes it goes unnoticed. Sometimes...sometimes.....

Watched good ol' Vendetta today....some ideas decided to cling to me after the movie...

The power of media. Wellll as a CNM major wannabe...yeah I realised the power of media to affect and disseminate...how incredible. So many of us believe what we see in the news...we forget that in many places there is so much subtle propaganda....

Well other than that...yeah had a really good study day today, finally got down to doing my descartes essay..phew....thats one more thing done....the tension is easing up I guess...

Thank you everyone for a good day!