Mark ah Mark ah... sometimes you really need to be more careful.

sigh.

My apologies....I think words aren't enough...

Wow its been a while. Alot of people don't seem to be updating as often anymore either. Its school I tell ya... its school.

Ok Im also attempting to add a nice relaxing (and maybe a little melancholic music track to the background. Please do tell if its irritating - I will remove it if I get enough feedback.)

But I like the song.

In anycase, I walked into my room and noticed how untidy one of the side tables looked. And I realised just because of that one thing, my entire room looked like it was hit by a tornado. Yet, it was only one corner that really needed adjustments. And of course, it got me thinking too... is that all we need to mess our lives up? One little corner thats untidy? One corner with unfinished business? Unpacked books? Unsorted notes? hmm...

Had my first CG this week too, I must say, though attendance was kinda low, I had a good time there, with the people too. In anycase I should have more people coming over next week la..so no biggie, in anycase Im not hard up for the numbers. Its the quality of sharing that counts =)

Well, I guess I don't really have much else to say for now...don't know how to vocalise everything...haha...

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions by which yours is touched."

-George Gissing

Such is the individual. Each and everyone of us experiences something different. How then, do we communicate?

The first week of school has flown by. Too fast perhaps. Its about to time start warming up to my readings and assignments. Welcome mass was great, and rushing around, although tiring was actually quite fun :)

Its always great I guess to do something for fellow friends and of course the reverse is true, its also great to be on the receiving end. The hard part I guess is to continue doing things for people who dont reciprocate. Or worse still, to people who react adversely.

Don't know why I posted this, an odd mix of music, readings and events made me do it.

Schools been fine.

As in nothings really changed. Met a new dude from SOC yesterday who was taking a CNM module.

Met up with Erwin for lunch, its been a while.

This morning, I took out an old Beatmania clone game. And I played a song, "Last Regrets"

I used to play and listen to that song a long time ago. During my JC days...before NS...I think it was a bad idea. It brought back alot of memories that were long forgotten. I think its an emotional anchor. The song immediately just brought everything forth. And old feelings were suddenly felt...sigh, I guess you can never really forget...

Maybe its cause we don't want to forget.

Then again you realise how stupid you were a long time ago. Age has a way of wisening you to certain things I guess...

No point dwelling on it. I try to live with no regrets. In actual fact, I have a few. Two of them could have changed my life forever. If only I had made the right decisions. You can't help but be plagued by "what ifs" I guess.

Yeah life would have been really different.

Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealin' your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm scream out
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...

[Repeat Chorus]

If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...

Been listening to this one lately...haha...I kinda like this song. And I guess it helps make this post gloomier than it already is haha...and for some reason, this song reminds me of the recent Superman movie. Even though if you think about it, it isnt really like that but bah, some things link just because.

Ok its been a really long time since I actually sat down to write something.

No the blog isnt dead. Its just that I've been really really tired over the last few days....can you believe it? I'm tiring myself even though school is starting haha....

Anyhow...lets see...

Ok first things first...

1) Matric Fair (Mon)
Ha I thought I would be helping out, er but it seems somewhere along the way I think my name wasnt included in the list..but hey no probs, I can always help next year. I heard that we had quite a few people that did sign up...which is always a good thing. That one was followed by a SUPER DUPER belated celebration of Moses' birthday at Hard Rock... wahahaha we even managed to prank him...*evil grin*

2) Jons Sending off (Thur)
Ahh..good ol' Jon had left for the states. Personally, I don't like farewells. I don't know why, I just don't like them. I mean its not that I hate seeing someone off, its just that you know...aiyah I don't know how to put it, you can't help but feel a little sad when you see someone off. Especially if its for a long time. (But of course, I would rather to see someone off than not go at all.) Godspeed Jon, we'll all miss you.

3) Audreys Birthday (Fri)
Celebration with CSS people is always super full of laughter. The food itself was really nice, and bleah as usual I blundered with my directions again haha.. thank goodness Joanne was in the car to direct us...if not, jialat.

4) CGL workshop (Sat / Sun)
Yes, CGL WORKSHOP. Haha met some new friends from the different faculties! Woo cheers. Yeah overall I found it a really good workshop, learnt alot of things and in a way I grew spiritually too...the conclusion was very powerful indeed and I could feel the spirit moving within all of us there. Let us all pray that we don't fall into the many traps that lie along the way...

5) Zoo (Mon)
Yes. You read it right. ZOO. Imagine a bunch of university people walking into the zoo and re-living their childhood. Hahahah it was a super hilarious trip. I have a ton of blackmail photos in my com now muwahahhahahaha...Must add though, got a little worn out towards the end. But ya overall really good trip! Hope we can organise another one soon enough :)

6) National Day (Tue / Wed)
Stayed at home. Being inspired from Yakitate Japan, I decided to try my hand at baking Baguettes (French Loaves). First batch looked like rocks. Felt like rocks. Smelt like Burnt rocks. And had dough in the middle. Second batch looked like bread. Felt like soft rocks. Smelt like yeast. BUT tasted nice. Third batch looked, smelt and tasted nice..woo~ haha Anyway ya, it was good to just stay at home after all those days of going out...

7) CGL discrenment (Thurs)
Meaningful session. Had some reservations and I think I took some baggage with me to the discernment (someone told me they could notice it on my face...haha) but I think God worked his marvels again. In anycase...

NUS CSS ARTS CG CONDUCTED BY MARK AND GERALDINE EVERY TUESDAY PLS SMS/EMAIL IF INTERESTED

That was followed by Fish and Chips and prata. And I must add, I have never ever laughed so damn hard in my life. Wah...me and benjy I think looked like we were on drunkards that night.... (Order now, our operators are standing by hahahahahhaa...)

8) Little India (Fri)
Now this was interesting. It was a small thing at first, then expanded. I must add, it was damn cool, to see everyone from all (ok most) of the different faculties gathering together to eat and play hahaha too bad we only stopped at one place to eat. No puree and Apom(no idea how to spell actually) *sigh*

And that brings me to today.

I guess Im still swamped by the many thoughts and feelings that have been running though my head since Matric fair. I havent had time to internalise and think certain things through. But yeah, I trust that God will show me the way to go, and lead me on the correct path to take.

I guess sometimes its better to just dwell on the happiness of the events and not to think too much about everything else.

I finally got Dead Rising. Good game for people who are feeling stressed and just want to beat brainless zombies to a pulp. Its a tad bloody though. Also finally caught superman. And it led me to one conclusion. Which I shall not share with anyone haha.

Well, thats my life so far, been pretty busy. Biddings finally all done and its time to get back in gear. But so many things have changed this holidays....can I bear with it all?... Time will tell...

Why am I always running from my past.

Its not so bad if it were just something that can be buried and sealed away for all eternity.

Fact is, its invading the present and probably the future.

arrgh.