A recent spree of events (or one event in particular actually) had me thinking of mortality as of late.

Am I afraid to die? Yes and no.

I guess its hard to type it out but, death is something we all would need to face at one point or another. Theres no point really fighting it, is there? I started wondering, what if I only had months to live? Have I achieved everything I wanted to? I don't think so. Plenty of stuff left to do. I guess I wouldn't mind dying now, its just that maybe I'll just feel a little unfulfilled.

They say you should live as if the next day would be your last. I can't possibly do that. If I knew it would be my last, there are a few things that I would really like to say to certain people which I know I would not be able to say in normal context.

And while we're on the topic of death, why not bring up age too. 22nd Birthday coming up soon now. Not getting any younger too. I don't know why, but everytime my birthday approaches I get more and more miserable. Why? Well its simple. I guess in our family birthdays were meant to be special. I know to some people out there, its nothing more than just another day. But for me, I've always thought of it as a day where, I dunno, special stuff happens.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I think as I grow older, I begin to realise that my material needs are much more easily fulfilled. As with each birthday that comes, I just don't really want stuff. In anycase the things that I truely earnestly and honestly want cannot bought with money. But, as the last bazillion or so birthdays have shown, these things don't come easy. At one point I expected even the non material to come true in some fairy tale sense. I know it won't now...but theres always that glimmer of hope. Im not trying to sound pessimistic here, but as experience has shown, I should just forget it.

Hope is funny...it drives you foward and it drives you insane.

Geeze, the human spirit really is insatiable. The exams are over and you'd think I would appreciate the time, the sense of freedom, the rest. I should be thankful. I am I guess. Yet with the onset of the holidays, all the thoughts that I supressed during the examinations are beginning to resurface again.

Its tiring. Will the old cycles repeat again? I always pray that they won't but somehow they do anyway.

Anyway, had a really funny KTV session last night, helped take my mind off things for a while. Haha didn't know Joel was such a crooner and Gerg sang with so much passion. But I tell you, the highlight of the night just had to be moses...with his One Night in Beijing....hahahaha

And this morning I had another jolt of reality as I try to coordinate my medical stuff with insurance and all the rest..sheesh.

Alright, I cant really say back to work now..Im too tired this morning to do stuff..might be due to late sleep and early rising.

Never ever sleep with problems in your mind, it leads to the most unrestful sleep, ever. So its back to my distractions.

I leave you with Corrine Mays Happy Birthday song:

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul you've helped to grow
A little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Don't ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

Do you guys think our dreams would ever come true?